Celebrity Bestiality

HEADLINE NEWS: Superman and Batman ‘More than Just Friends?’ Their Intimate Relationship Revealed! — A story by Lois Lane, your intrepid reporter for the Daily Planet

Citizens of the superhero and crimefighter universe were thrown into chaos when security surveillance cameras at the Justice League Watchtower caught a very intimate moment between two of the World’s Finest, Batman and Superman, just after the Justice League came home from Apokalipse battling the forces of Darksied.

“We always knew Superman and Batman held private conferences post missions but we never thought… Oh man, I think I need a few drinks…” John Stewart, member of the Green Lantern Corps and one of the founding members of the Justice League said during an interview.

Jonn Jonz aka Martian Manhunter told us. “I always knew that Batman had this strange…magnetic personality. Those two always had a bond between them. It was inevitable that those two uhm… mate.”

Nightwing, formerly Robin and leader of the Titans was not happy with the current situation and had this to say, “Bruce, HOW COULD YOU???!!!! First it was the Joker, then the Catwoman, Poisonivy, the Penguin, then that bitch that Ra’s Al Guhl had for a daughter, Barbara…uh, Oracle, Black Canary, Huntress, Cass…uh Batgirl, Harlequin, Zatanna, Wonderwoman, Circe and now THIS!!!! ARGHH!!!! We are SOOOOO over!!!” (Nightwing runs crying to Starfire)

Shayera Hol aka Hawkgirl said: “I’m so happy for Superman. You see, Bruce… I mean, Batman was the best I ever had, and I thank Diana for telling me all about his other talents. I mean, John doesn’t have it… uhm, you’re not gonna record this, are you?”

Flash meanwhile had this had to say. “Well, Batman didn’t exactly have a sane head, you what I mean. Being broody all the time, going against all those psychos in Gotham, doing nightly patrols with the rest of the Batclan. Can you imagine what goes on with the Bat, Robin, Batgirl and Catwoman on at night? Man, that’s a scary thought. What? It’s not like Supes and Bats are gonna come out of the Fortress of Solitude and the Batcave soon and kill me. I mean, they’d never do anything to kill sweet lil Flash. Will they?”

We hope so, Flash. For your sake.

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